You nailed it with this piece here. They say too many cooks spoil the broth. I guess there weren’t too many cooks; this was some of the best broth I’ve ever imbibed. I’ve including some further thoughts below:
“A man who thought madness would be a side effect of genius, not the root”
Killer line.
“And I feed not on death, but on permanence. On repetition. On patterns carved so deep they become rituals.”
I think this constitutes an agent of order, which, compared to the wildly popular agent of chaos, is an under explored character type. Excellent originality.
“And I know silence like a mother knows her child.”
And I know what that means as if I were the writer, not the reader. This precise communication through simile took me beyond my role as reader, blurred lines of distinction, and dissolved the reader-writer-text tension.
“I trap you with your own/unfinished thoughts.”
I think the enjambment right before the last sentence is a formal demonstration of the “unfinished thoughts” concept, showing what you’re telling. Wonderful :)
This gave me actual goosebumps—you’ve turned the Overlook from a haunted house into something far more terrifying: a predatory consciousness that chooses its victims and feeds on their brokenness.
The voice is chilling because it’s not mad or evil in any traditional sense—it’s coldly intelligent and almost seductive.
Your prose is absolutely haunting.
Lines like “I taste the soft spots in your spine where shame still dwells” and “Fire doesn’t cleanse. It clarifies” are gorgeous and disturbing in equal measure. The rhythm builds this hypnotic quality that mirrors how the hotel draws people in—you start reading and can’t stop, just like Jack couldn’t leave.
What terrified me was the shift from “I am not haunted” to revealing that the hotel doesn’t just kill people, it collects them. The image of Grady still setting tables and the twins standing where they died forever—not because they’re stuck, but because they’re being used—that’s genuinely disturbing.
You’ve made the ghosts into battery-powered servants rather than tragic victims.
The ending warning feels like a genuine threat. That final image of being trapped “with your own unfinished thoughts” while the hotel has “all winter to listen” is perfect—it’s exactly what happened to Jack, and now the hotel is promising to do it to us too.
You’ve taken King’s story and made it feel fresh and immediate again.
The voice is so confident and knowing that it feels like the hotel really is speaking directly to the reader.
Wow Chip, thank you, the boys really liked the ending as well. My youngest said that the ending gets into your head and rents a room .. LoL. This comment though is just wow, a writer doesn't always get to know how a piece is received and you've let me know on several pieces. I really appreciate you reading and leaving such thoughtful comments. 🦋
One of my top watched horror movies, the book gets in your head more though. I like the book ending better, you get closure. But the Stanley Kubrick ending isn't bad left doubt and questions to give that horror movie vibe…which I guess is what I did too. 😁😂
I love this so much. This is beautiful & is honestly a tribute to the classic. This may be my favorite of yours....
As a huge fan of The Shining, I adored this perspective on the story. Well done!
Howdy Heather Patton/The Verdant Butterfly!
You nailed it with this piece here. They say too many cooks spoil the broth. I guess there weren’t too many cooks; this was some of the best broth I’ve ever imbibed. I’ve including some further thoughts below:
“A man who thought madness would be a side effect of genius, not the root”
Killer line.
“And I feed not on death, but on permanence. On repetition. On patterns carved so deep they become rituals.”
I think this constitutes an agent of order, which, compared to the wildly popular agent of chaos, is an under explored character type. Excellent originality.
“And I know silence like a mother knows her child.”
And I know what that means as if I were the writer, not the reader. This precise communication through simile took me beyond my role as reader, blurred lines of distinction, and dissolved the reader-writer-text tension.
“I trap you with your own/unfinished thoughts.”
I think the enjambment right before the last sentence is a formal demonstration of the “unfinished thoughts” concept, showing what you’re telling. Wonderful :)
Nice job. Keep writing!
You truly did justice to The Shining with such a stylistically rich prose.
This gave me actual goosebumps—you’ve turned the Overlook from a haunted house into something far more terrifying: a predatory consciousness that chooses its victims and feeds on their brokenness.
The voice is chilling because it’s not mad or evil in any traditional sense—it’s coldly intelligent and almost seductive.
Your prose is absolutely haunting.
Lines like “I taste the soft spots in your spine where shame still dwells” and “Fire doesn’t cleanse. It clarifies” are gorgeous and disturbing in equal measure. The rhythm builds this hypnotic quality that mirrors how the hotel draws people in—you start reading and can’t stop, just like Jack couldn’t leave.
What terrified me was the shift from “I am not haunted” to revealing that the hotel doesn’t just kill people, it collects them. The image of Grady still setting tables and the twins standing where they died forever—not because they’re stuck, but because they’re being used—that’s genuinely disturbing.
You’ve made the ghosts into battery-powered servants rather than tragic victims.
The ending warning feels like a genuine threat. That final image of being trapped “with your own unfinished thoughts” while the hotel has “all winter to listen” is perfect—it’s exactly what happened to Jack, and now the hotel is promising to do it to us too.
You’ve taken King’s story and made it feel fresh and immediate again.
The voice is so confident and knowing that it feels like the hotel really is speaking directly to the reader.
Wonderful job with this adaptation, Heather!
Wow Chip, thank you, the boys really liked the ending as well. My youngest said that the ending gets into your head and rents a room .. LoL. This comment though is just wow, a writer doesn't always get to know how a piece is received and you've let me know on several pieces. I really appreciate you reading and leaving such thoughtful comments. 🦋
As both a fan of the book and the movie, I truly enjoyed this. Thanks!
Nice take on The Shining
I love this! Great shift putting it in the point of view of the hotel.
Thank you, I had a lot of fun personifying the Hotel, and that one would have a lot to say if it could talk. Thank you for reading, and commenting.
This is great. You've captured the feel of The Shining while giving it a deft new spin. Love it!
One of my top watched horror movies, the book gets in your head more though. I like the book ending better, you get closure. But the Stanley Kubrick ending isn't bad left doubt and questions to give that horror movie vibe…which I guess is what I did too. 😁😂