15 Comments
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The Verdant Butterfly's avatar

Thank you so much! And great catch, yes, that line was intentionally misleading. Let’s just say the official records were... sanitized. This institution buries more than bodies. I wanted readers to feel a little off balance, like something’s not quite adding up. With this short of a story sometimes it leaves unanswered questions so I tried to make them unsettling. 😉👁️

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Nick Buchheit's avatar

This got dark and scary. Really liked the ending.

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The Verdant Butterfly's avatar

Thanks so much, Nick, I do love a good descent into the dark now and then. I'm especially glad the ending hit right, that’s always the trickiest part to land. Appreciate you reading! 💚

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Focal Bonsai's avatar

This was compelling and deeply terrifying

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The Verdant Butterfly's avatar

Thank you so much, that’s exactly what I hoped to evoke. I wanted it to draw you in gently, then twist just enough to unsettle. I’m truly grateful it landed that way for you. 💚

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Great work, you feel the descent in this piece.

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The Verdant Butterfly's avatar

Thank you, Edward, that means a great deal coming from you. I wanted the descent to feel slow and inevitable, like a chill creeping in under the door. I’m honoured it struck the right note for you. 💚

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Rosie B's avatar

So good! Really creepy!

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The Verdant Butterfly's avatar

Thank you so much, Rosie! I was aiming for that quiet sort of unsettling that lingers in the corners so I’m thrilled it gave you a bit of a shiver. Means a lot that you enjoyed it! 💚

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Evelyn K. Brunswick's avatar

That was excellent. But just one question - 'cremated'? So how come he goes to the care centre and she gets transferred? I'm just a little confused. Unless that's the intention, of course...

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The Verdant Butterfly's avatar

this was actually a reply to you but I didn't hit reply ... ;-) Thank you so much! And great catch, yes, that line was intentionally misleading. Let’s just say the official records were... sanitized. This institution buries more than bodies. I wanted readers to feel a little off balance, like something’s not quite adding up. With this short of a story sometimes it leaves unanswered questions so I tried to make them unsettling. 😉👁️

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Evelyn K. Brunswick's avatar

Thought it might be something like that. The cognitive dissonance thing often works wonders, for sure. I've tried this sort of trick a few times, where the reader can't help but notice some sort of continuity error. Makes them ask questions, so long as they know the writer did it deliberately then it works.

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Maryellen Brady 💗📚's avatar

Holy 😱😱😱😱😱 you brought all the senses in to play & emotions too. Wow! I love this!

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The Verdant Butterfly's avatar

Oh Maryellen, you’ve no idea how much that means to me. I really dug deep to give this one the right amount of creepy, trying to draw out every thread of feeling and sensation. I’m so glad it landed with you thank you for reading it with such heart. 💚

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Maryellen Brady 💗📚's avatar

I know you did. I could feel it. 💚 excellent writing my friend. I was cheering when I heard your name on the live event & you deserved all those cheers & a happy dance.

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